“Black Swan” Meh, Bleh and Of Course it’s Nominated.

Genres: Drama and Thriller
Running Time: 1 hr. 43 min.
Release Date: December 3rd, 2010 (limited)
MPAA Rating: R for strong sexual content, disturbing violent images, language and some drug use.
Distributors: Fox Searchlight Pictures


Director: Darren Aronofsky

JJ Rating: B-

See it again: No.
Own it: Hell no.
Recommend it to: Those that enjoy most of Darren Aronofsky’s previous films.


Nina Sayers (Natalie Portman) is a ballerina and wants to be featured more in her company. The new show is “Swan Lake” and she tries out. She is great enough to play the Swan Queen, but she needs to nail the Black Swan as well, but she’s too exact. Will she be able to do it or will there be an underline meaning to the entire film some might not catch? Who knows? Black Swan.

Based on that wonderful description one can tell that I didn’t particularly like Black Swan. Let me count the ways.

1. Pretentious. It feels contrived and pretentious. It’s as if it was specifically made to get awards and he paid people to love it more than one should. Like there’s some sort of hidden phrases that are whispered to get people hooked on it. Totally stolen from the piss poorly done (but fun) Josie and the Pussycats.

2. Predictable. From the moment Nina explains to a boy, that was not interested in her because she’s boring, what “Swan Lake” is about, I knew that the parallels were foreshadowing a bland, non-story story.

3. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is far better than this mesh of darkness that it’s disgusting it gets more praise for being nothing but a rehash of something already told. What is up with dark being better than fun? People are so harmful to happiness.

4. Nina Sayers is a trite little whiney character that no one would be friends with if she were real. Moreover, if she died, no one would be at her funeral, because no one likes her. Because she sucks as a human.

5. The Script sucked. The words were all wasted and I hated most of them. Except one part that most would find crude. I agree it was crude, but it had a valid point that actually worked, but could have been said far better…when Thomas is trying to get Nina to dance more seductively and he says “Would you want to…her” and it was a great stupid comment that worked, unlike the rest of this film.

6. Gratuitous. There’s so much going on that just didn’t matter. It was over done like a two year old picking their nose. They got what they were getting, but then they stick it up there again just because. Really? You already made the point…what are you trying to do? Make your nose bleed?

Yes, I didn’t like this movie. Yes, I am going to be pissed like no one’s business if it wins awards it should have never been nominated for. That’s how I roll.

Natalie Portman’s acting was great. She played such an obnoxious character it’s hard to think of her as doing something fantastic. I think her being nominated for Best Actress is well deserved. Her facial expressions were like constipation moments for other people who need to eat more bran. If I were to have nightmares, they would be filled with her dance face. She must have needed a good tickling after each scene. I think she smiled once and that was at the very beginning. Mila Kunis did a good job. She was different from her pervious rolls. That’s good.

Overall, there’s not one single character to like in the film. If they all died (I love this example) in a massive gun slaughter by gang members bent on killing boring characters…no one would care. And if they did, maybe they should have been where the boring characters were…so they could die with them and rid this world of this plight and plague of darkness equals reality.

Why did I give a movie I didn’t like a B-? Because the last fifteen minutes of Black Swan almost made sitting through the first hour and half worth it. It’s stunning in a visual manner as well as an emotional one. Most people that enjoy movies think Twilight films are terrible. Well for perspective purposes if everyone LOVED them and you still disliked them, that’s how I feel about Black Swan. It’s so second rate.

Yes, I’ve seen his other films. I’ve seen Requiem for a Dream and liked it. Those characters didn’t bug me. Shocker. They’re into drugs and self-centeredness, they should have annoyed me. However, his other films I didn’t like. Take that for what it’s worth. That I don’t like him as much as others do, therefore my opinion doesn’t really matter if you love this director I’m not naming. I just don’t care to name type out the name.

In conclusion, Black Swan makes me go bleh.

I write like: Chuck Palahniuk

2 comments:

Escarondito said...

J_Jammer did you realize how many contradictions you just posted in your review? I'll give you one. You disliked Black Swan for its darkness yet love Requiem for a Dream which ended even darker? Do you check what you say before you type?

J_Jammer said...

I meant what I said.
Drug use has darkness as a consequence per their indulgence and almost realized upon taking that they would venture into such a time after the "pleasure".

This darkness is more along the lines of stupidity and stupid annoys me.

Dark Swan begged to be considered to be based on a form of reality that would be within someone's head. I don't buy into it, because the pressure was all her own and she made it worse and I don't feel sorry for people that ruin their own chances...like falling on purpose and then blaming the other person.

I get enough of that from Survivor. I don't need someone to MAKE it up as if it's unique or fascinating. It's been over done and this time it wasn't done well enough for me.

Plus the characters were so unlikable it's not even funny.

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