“Splice” Forgets Fun for the 4th time

JJ Rating: B-

See it again: No.
Own it: I don’t want this porn.
Recommend it to: Those who want something interesting but not totally entertaining.


Two scientists think they are gods and create life using different animals as well as a bit of human and things go…well…awry. Splice.

Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley did a decent job. Their characters were not well done enough for me to care. They were bland. In a thriller or horror it would be better if I cared about what happens to the characters. I didn’t.

“Dren” is the creature that they create that has a bit of human in it. That animation as well as acting by Delphine Chaneac made for a weird creature. She and that creature were perfectly creepy looking. So creepy that when there was a specific barn scene I had a face that would probably mirror those made when someone wears tight clothes and their gelatin jiggles about revealing far too much.

Splice as a story was bad. The interesting concept that it built upon didn’t withstand the way it ended up on screen. The process hacked it to crap and what was left is a film that should have been released in January or February…the Crapauary months. Months where Hollywood takes a dump on the public and expects to make marginal money on films they don’t think could do well during the big months like Summer. This would be film number four that spits on the fun that Summer’s supposed to give. The idea radiates as wowing, but the actual viewing left so much to be desired that an incident between a man and teenager girls was far more interesting. They pissed him off and when he got in their face they were not so brave and it was hilarious to watch the stupid shut up. They were probably a product of splicing. They took a bit of stupid and then merged it with DNA from their supposed loving and caring parents and created them as lackluster, vocabulary limited dimwitted children of the new generation of ID-10-Ts.

It has taken me a day longer to write these short reviews. It’s hard to care when I can tell the filmmakers and money backers just don’t.

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