“Robin Hood” Prince of Triteness

Genres: Action/Adventure and Drama
Running Time: 2 hrs. 11 min.
Release Date: May 14th, 2010 (wide)
MPAA Rating: PG-13 for violence including intense sequences of warfare, and some sexual content.
Distributors: Universal Pictures

Director: Ridley Scott

JJ Rating: D

See it again: No.
Buy it: Hell no and I would give it back if it were given as a gift.
Recommend it to: those that lack a creative bone in their body, because then the story will not only amaze them, but make them cry like the woman that sat next to me. Disgusting.

I don’t know and I don’t care. Robin Hood.

Exciting it couldn’t be. What does a documentary about boring history and Robin Hood have in common? They are both are boring as a white church on Super Bowl Sunday. If Cate Blanchett was not in this film I think it would have been one of the worst blockbuster awesome summer movies I’ve ever seen and this INCLUDES Transformers II. She saved me from dying a slow painful death.

Critics are making political connections? OMG do people not have lives that actually exist outside of the realm of political thinking, it would appear not? Can we not judge movies on the content of their crappiness, instead on the political pandering of a viewer that no one cares about? At least it’s not as stupid as the political poo-storm that Avatar created for no reason. That movie was visually amazing and story regurgitating without a resuscitation with creative cool memorable lines.

The climatic scene where the French fight the British on a beach was boring. The fight between Robin Hood and the big bad baddie was boring. It was so bad that I don’t think anyone in film school would pass showing this as their final product. Why do directors sit and through the editing process and feel great when they churn out stuff like this? Why Mr. Scott? Why?

Robin Hood was going to be called Nottingham. Nottingham is a better name for this film. I don’t go and read synopsis of films because that’s what a trailer is supposed to do in an exciting two minute share. It lays it out. Titling the film Robin Hood and showing the trailer as they did, presented a film that was going to be about Robin Hood. Is it? Nope. This is a prequel. This is how he became Robin Hood. This is how old-man-river of the Monotone Kingdom became Robin Hood and bored all the little creative minds of the world to tears.

And because of my sinful choice in a movie I had to cleanse myself with a heavy dose of Iron Man 2. That made me feel better. I love being right about it reigning two weekends in a row. Robin Hood will steal from the poor and give to the rich. Don’t give them any more money. See something else. Don’t feed the rich. Make them pay for giving us this unholy trash that begins what I already dubbed the crappiest summer since summer was invented.

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