The 2010 Summer Movie Preview Guide

[EDITOR'S NOTE:]  As the box office prepares for the largest opening in movie history with "Iron Man 2," we decided to take a look at the rest of the Summer season to see what's in store for for us this year.

And though it seems like I say this every year, this Summer looks like its going to be a piss-poor season for quality movies.

Or as Jay put it:  "Summer 2010-- Prepare for a Flood of Crap."

Here's Jay's review, with my comments thrown in for good measure.

Film's are linked to CommingSoon.net


The 2010 Summer Movie Season just plain sucks. I’m not one of those people that say this season sucks or that season sucks. I refrain from stating that relentlessly, but it’s no joke--this season SUCKS. It’s like they decided to quit trying and produce crap and maybe make 3-D suck movies in hope to suck money out of poor people’s pockets trying to escape the crappy political world we live in.

Someone needs to invest in great new minds that do have great new ways to tell the same old same old. I know there’s no new idea under the sun and that all movies are just a rehash of things from the black and white past, but it’s the way the story is told that matters. That’s why A Walk to Remember worked so well, because it took the same story and made it into something that resonated with teens at the time. Hello, look at “Glee”. It’s the same storylines about teen problems with sarcastic humor and songs woven in. They found a new way to tell the same old crap we all know about and lived through.

It’s so frustrating to know there are people who can do better and yet because they don’t have money and the right connections that that’s just not going to happen.

MOVING on to the craptastic list:

2010
MAY


May 7
Babies
Jay Jammer - The documentary looks awesome. I’ll be seeing it. Baby laughter is infections and maybe it’ll put some moviegoers into good mood for the terrible Summer Movie Season of 2010. And maybe it’ll make them feel that things are just as good as ever….ha…yeah right. I’m such a kidder.

Judge - Stupid title. I'm already turned off by it. Pass.

Iron Man 2
Jay Jammer - Uh, yeah. I love Iron Man movies. I thought the first one was better than Batman and that might be because it wasn’t glorified because of an actor being postmortem. This one looks like twice the fun and hopefully the dose of a Russian villain will make it even more so. This looks like the only film in all Summer (and maybe one other) that’s worth spending an arm and a leg to see…cause theaters have to raise the prices when dealing with greedy movie creators who can’t make a good product (like Iron Man) in order to make money--they have to scalp the moviegoers.

Judge - This is one of a small handful of films Im actually interested in seeing. Its a popcorn flick to say the least, but its a well shot, compelling, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants popcorn flick and I personally cant wait to see this one.


May 14
Just Wright
Jay Jammer - Looks like another remake of the same old-same old, but I like Queen Latifah…soooo maybe?

Judge -  Snore.

Letters to Juliet
Jay Jammer - Looks alright and most likely will see it, unless I’m busy and then I’ll just have to pretend it didn’t exist.

Judge - This may come as a shock to some people, but Juliet didnt exist. Its clearly a chick flick, so I suspect most guys will probably be dragged to it. My guess is that coming off the heels of Iron Man 2's open the week before, its numbers are going to be pretty low.

Robin Hood
Jay - This weekend just looks like a tiresome rehash of weekend’s past. I am almost of the mentality if you’ve seen one Robin Hood you’ve seen them all and still they won’t be as fun as Disney’s nor as depressing as that song “Not in Nottingham”. Yes I’ll see it; no I’m not looking forward to it. I think Iron Man will be number 1 two weekends in a row.---but I can’t deny the power of Cate Blanchett. Such a great actress.

Judge -  I disagree, Robin Hood is like a guys version of Sense and Sensibility or any of the other Jane Austen books that continue to be remade into sappy period flicks. Im looking forward to it and am curious to see how they position the characters. It has potential.

May 21

MacGruber
Jay - I feel as if it should be April 1st. Maybe that’s when this should have been released. With the combination of last weekend boring me by thought alone, this weekend isn’t making up for it. I’ll most likely see it, but because I feel compelled to see if it’s a fun skit idea if it last’s 300 times longer.

Judge - No. No. No. No. No. Take a lame Saturday Night Live skit and stretch it into a movie. Because that's a strategy that's worked so well in the past, right?

Shrek Forever After
Jay - They seem to want to milk it for all it’s worth. Why? Because they aren’t Pixar. I’m not excited for this film in the least. I will see it, but I hope Iron Man strikes hot and makes it 3 weekends in a row.

Judge - The first film was entertaining. The second film was an attempt to squeeze more money out of the franchise. This one just beats the dead horse.









May 27

Sex and the City 2
Jay - HELL NO.

Judge - I'm not ashamed to admit that I was a fan of the series, but this...this just seems like so much regurgitated stupid fashion and tired storylines that I would rather sit in a closet and eat paste.

May 28


Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Jay - YES. I’m surprised Racebending.com didn’t just jump on this one because that actor so isn’t Persian. Current.com sure did. I’m seeing this not only because I want to, but out of spite for both sites. Don’t expect greatness, though.

Judge - I gotta say that I'm not convinced that this is going to be a successful film. I think I'll pass.

JUNE

June 4


Get Him to the Greek
Jay - Another tiresome raunchy comedy, the trailer looks boring. Jonah Hill is quickly becoming a one trick pony—oh wait he’s already there. I understand that Michael Cera is that way for some people, but he has charm. Jonah has….well that’s better asked in a form of a question: What does Jonah Hill have? Not enough pull to make me WANT to see it, and then there’s Russell Brand….just not a great brand when he constantly plays a rock star. He’s not a believable rock star…ever.

Judge - I thought the trailer looked amusing, but my guess is that the trailer has all the best parts. Jonah Hill's funny clock is counting down pretty fast at this point. The movie seems like one long continuous string of the same joke over and over. My verdict: If I have nothing better to do I might check this one out.

Killers
Jay - The poster is amusing in a small way. Out of all the films opening this weekend Killers looks like the one that’ll be entertaining. I like Ashton Kutcher. He can amuse me more than most. Catherine O’Hara is great and even though I think Katherine Heigl is a high maintenance human trash being—she’s a great actress.

Judge -  My guess is that someone at Lionsgate got wind of the "fish-out-of-water, girl-meets-spy action-comedy" that Fox was working on and committee-wrote this clunker, fast-tracking it through production so it could be released first. It may have a few chuckles, but I have absolutely no interest in watching anything with Ashton Kutcher in it and I'm kinda done with Heigl and her typecast, doe-eyed naivete.

Marmaduke
Jay - Eh, the teaser trailer didn’t do much more for me than make me miss “The O.C.”. I am not too interested in another talking animal film. Meh.

Judge - I'd like to say that you couldn't pay me enough to watch this movie, but really if the studio was going to give me a million bucks to see it, I think I'd probably go. However, since they aren't paying me, I'm free to proclaim from the rooftops that this is without a doubt the STUPIDEST film out this season, if not this year.


Splice
Jay - Ohno what has science done? Make another boring film? Looks like it. And apparently there’s love involved. Yeah, thanks for the sci-fi beauty and the beast. Though I’m slightly interested, just not thrilled.

Judge - Another insomnia killer. Pass.


June 11

The A-Team
Jay - It’s the weekend where they rummaged around in the 80’s attic and decided it’s time to bring back what some little children from that time might want to see now that they’re adults…guess that means me. Well it worked. I want to see it, but will it be good? Iffy.

Judge - I have some serious reservations about a remake of a cheesy Aaron Spelling TV show. I'll see it if there's nothing better to do.



The Karate Kid
Jay - Whoever did the trailers for it did an awesome job. They sell the film and make me want to see it even though I previously didn’t want to.

Judge - Pass.

June 18


Jonah Hex
Jay - Like the title, like who is in the film (aside from Megan Fox who can’t seem to act well; she can look like a hot hottie as long as she doesn’t speak) and the concept is pretty cool and the fact it came from a graphic novel is neater, I suppose. So yeah I’ll see it.

Judge - There's only one reason why Megan Fox is in a movie and its not because of her acting ability. Sorry. I need more than that to justify the movie ticket. 

Toy Story 3
Jay - YES. The trailer is ha-ha great. It looks like another winner for Pixar—hopefully as great if not better than the other 2.

Judge -  I'm a little tired of this franchise. Cant they just leave it be or do they have to try to sell the same crap to a new generation of consumers?

June 25

Grown Ups
Jay - Looks decent, has a decent cast, the trailer made me laugh a bit, so I guess it might be worth it.

Judge - Im not thrilled. I might catch it, but probably not.


Knight and Day
Jay - Tom Cruise is a human douchebag of all things that no one should be…practically. However, as an actor he’s undeniably great. I have never been disappointed in seeing him in a film (that’s because I avoided Eyes Wide Shut). Because I have faith in his acting and his entertainment factor I’ll see Knight and Day. If it was some unknown and Cameron Diaz it would have been a PASS…(but still would have seen it only cause I like to complain).

Judge - Cruise has lost a lot of luster off his star and I think he needs this film to try to justify his huge paychecks. Its a popcorn summer flick: lots of action, a few chuckles, etc. Its the kind of film that is designed by a bunch of studio executives throwing ideas at a dartboard and whatever sticks got written in. My verdict: Pass.

June 30

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Jay - Nothing is more fun than seeing a Twilight movie and complaining about it. Maybe this time I’ll be surprised and there will actually be warmth in the film and a bit of fun and life….then again disappointment is what it’s good at achieving.

Judge -  Summit continues to ride the wave of popularity by hocking this lame story to the throngs of rabid, love starved, teen girls. Expect more glittery vampires, shirtless boys and obsessive lip biting to help the studio make a few more million bucks.

JULY

July 2

The Last Airbender
Jay - Racebending be damned, I’m seeing this. The cartoon is fantastic, awesome, witty, daring, powerful and astonishing. I’ll know how to judge this film without having to be racist.

Judge -  Im one of the few people left in the world that couldn't possibly care any less about this live action version of a poorly animated cartoon.  Pass.




Restrepo
Jay - Eh…

Judge - Who?

July 7
Predators
Jay - Based on the movie alone I wouldn't want to see it, but Adrien Brody and Topher Grace in the cast list make me interested...a little bit.






Judge - Im done with this franchise its not even funny. Pass.




July 9



Despicable Me
 Jay - It looks all right. Nothing more. The trailers are amusing, but so are hillbillies in Wal-Mart. Doesn’t mean I want to stare at them for 80 minutes.


Judge - The trailers that they have for this film really dont say anything about the story, but are definitely fun to watch. I think the film's got potential and I will probably go catch this one as a date movie. We'll see.


July 16

Inception
Jay - Leo is an on and off actor for me. Sometimes worth it, sometimes not; this time it seems sometimes worth it.

Judge -  Meh. Im over it.


The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
Jay - Nicholas Cage will do anything to get out of debt, but is it good enough? Looks like a strong B movie.

Judge - I have my suspicions that the studio is trying to polish a turd.


July 23

Dinner for Schmucks
Jay- A decent comedy with Paul Rudd, he’s got the funny in a weird uncomfortable way. His comedies have yet to make me disappointed, so he’s a good person to bet on.

Judge - On the title alone I would see this. Yay for Yiddish!


Ramona And Beezus
Jay - No thank you. Far too simple, but then again if I’m bored on that weekend I just might venture out to accidentally see it.

Judge -  Im already thinking about Winter movies at this point.

Salt
Jay - Supposed to be Tom Cruise but they redid the WHOLE movie just for AJ. Looks like a quick good movie. No Minority Report…that’s for sure.

Judge -  This might be Angelina's last hurrah as an action movie star. That sexy clock has just about run out.

July 25

O Apostolo 3-D
Jay - Ohman, this summer sucks.

Judge -  Wake me when its over.

July 30

The Adjustment Bureau
Jay - Seems ok based on the description. Fighting fate to get what you want out of life is what some people do go through with their families who think they should be one way and they know they’re just different. Seems interesting enough to bother with.

Judge - Pass the popcorn.

Beastly
 Jay - I LOVE Beauty & the Beast.  This film is retelling in a way that I think could be amazing. There’s a new guy Alex Pettyfer who is the “Beast” character and he’s good looking before the transformation and afterwards he’s devastating. Great respect for actors that take on characters that do not glorify their looks, that’s why I respect Johnny Depp because he goes for the character—not the look. I’m really looking forward to this and hopefully I won’t hype it too much in my head. I’ve yet to see a trailer, just production photos. –and I’m reading the book it’s adapted from, so far so good.

 Judge - I knew nothing about this movie until it was mentioned here.  Then I read the synopsis: " "Beastly" is an edgy teen romance about learning how to see past false surfaces to discover true inner beauty." and my first instinct is to avoid this like the plague.

Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
Jay - I’m a bit disturbed by the title. Only because, I guess, I know what the original James Bond title was and that’s all I hear in my head when I say this film’s name. And, quite frankly, that’s not good to think of while reading a title of a movie that’s for children. I’m not seeing it.

Judge - The name of the feme fatale in the 1964 James Bond film "Goldfinger" was "Pussy Galore," played by Honor Blackman. Yes, its very similar in name, but really the only people that would even remotely know about the similarities are the parents. Its a kids movie. So what if Dad chuckles a little when he sees the title?


AUGUST

Summer sucked and August is the end of it, but because I am sick of saying a different phrase that explains suck in a way a thesaurus might I’ve decided to nitpick (not focus on the whole month) August, sue me.

August 13
Eat, Pray, Love
Jay - If you are that lost you have to leave people you said you loved to go around the world to find yourself, maybe lost isn’t your only problem—maybe selfishness is.

Judge - Knowing this is a sappy adult chick flick I wanted to hate it. But after watching the trailer, Im thinking its got the right elements to re-launch Julia Roberts in the wake of the Sandra Bullock roller coaster. With this film, Julia is poised to re-take the "it girl" position in Hollywood. Its worth seeing to see if Im right.


The Expendables
Jay - The film looks cheap, but the cast is packed full of action stars. Maybe the story will be so farfetched it’ll be a great action movie. At least that’s how it seems to be based on the trailer.

Judge - If you're significant other drags you to see the Twilight movie or "Sex and the City 2," this is the movie you get to drag them to in revenge. This film is the exact definition of a "Popcorn Summer Flick". And its filled with the biggest names in the action movie genre for the past 20 years.  Something tells me that they dont take themselves quite too seriously about the nature of this film. And neither should you.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Jay - Love the poster, I want it. Michael Cera is my Achilles’ heel in film. I can’t pass up movies with him in it. Plus this one sounds interesting with Edgar Wright directing (Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead) how could it not be great? I’m looking forward to it.

Judge -  Michael Cera is a very polarizing kind of actor. You either love him, or hate him. Personally I think the doe-eyed sad sack routine has really run its course. The film's got weird gimmicks, which are at least different, but how is the story? From here it looks pretty dull.




Jay - So that’s the end of the Summer 2010 Movie Schedule. It’s boring. Maybe, maybe, maybe winter will be better? It does have Harry Potter Part one with death and sadness in it. I wish I was in a power position. I know where to get great movie ideas. Hollywood needs to fish in a different pond. Their pond is full of their own piss and bile. Ick…

Judge - Well said!

2 comments:

J_Jammer said...

A week ago I finished Beastly (the book) and it was ok. I'm thinking that just maybe the film will be better than the book, because the book is weak.

I know it's a teen book, but that shouldn't mean that it's written so banally?

The genius behind this book idea is fascinating. She does others like Sleeping Beauty and brings them to the present. The execution is as if she tossed up her hands and gave a bare bones story.

I read Percy Jackson--the whole series in 2 weeks and that's not awesome cool, cause a kid my friend knows read it over a weekend--but for me that's fast. I'm busy doing all kinds of things and I FOUND time to read that. Beastly (and Alice In Wonderland) did not have that pull. The ending was tired like pitcher at the end of his time in the game---except for the fact he's the closer and he's supposed to fire those balls across the plate....the book didn't have that end. One of the rare times the movie could be better (like I Know What You Did Last Summer) than the book.

meredith said...

Well Judge, I pretty much disagree with everything you said. It's kind of like you hate all movies. At least JJ is giving some of them a shot. Lastly, back off on The Last Airbender. You know it's awesome and you secretly love it. Poorly animated? What the heck do you want it to look like, you crazy blogger you.

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