Let's test you Idol chops with a quiz:
1. Tuesday's show ran long despite the exceptionally dumb "two judges speak" plan. To save time, producers should:
a) limit all judges except Simon to one-word critiques
b) Offer each contestant a "bye" week during which they don't perform
c) Have Ryan on stage instead of trying to navigate those tricky stairs at the beginning of the show
d) All of the Above
2. Match the judge with the one-work critique they would be most likely to use:
a) Randy : "pitchy"
b) Kara : "artistry"
c) Paula: "pancakes"
d) all of the above
3. The "big save" was used on Matt last night. What two contestants will leave next week?
a) Matt and Lil
b) Lil and her booty
c) Matt and his miniature forehead-troll
d) all of the above
4. Next Week is "Disco Night". Complete the following: "I would rather ______ than listen to Lil, Matt and Anoop try to sing Disco songs."
a) Gouge out my ears with an olive fork
b) give birth to a flaming porcupine
c) Open an umbrella up my ass
d) Watch Adam Lambert's home made porn
5. Ryan seems to be having trouble coming up with original "fake-outs" when he indicates the bottom three vote getters. He should:
a) take out a pistol and cap the lower of the pair in front of him
b) read the results in the form of interprative nude dance
c) have the bottom two decide the issue THUNDERDOME style
d) continue to articulate the results in a manner so confusing that even the contestants can't figure out if they need to sit on the couch or on the "Starship Enterprise" stools.
6. Miley Cyrus is the musical equvilent of:
b) industrial chainsaws
c) Pauly Shore
d) Charles Manson
7. Jennifer Hudson finished third in her year on Idol, then won an oscar the following year. Who will be this year's third place finisher, and what will they subsequently win?
a) Allison: Best in Show at Westminster
b) Danny: A Slot as the next Bachelor
c) Anoop: A Key to the City of Mubai
d) Adam: Miss Congeniality
8. The guest judges/helpers/filler are becoming more and more obscure. Next week's guest "helping" the idols will be:
a) Bo, the White House puppy
b) Newt Gingrich
c) evil chef Gordon Ramsey
d) That chick selling her virginity on Ebay
9. No one likes judge Kara because she:
a) is prettier than Simon
b) remains conscious throughtout the entire show
c) is "pitchy", but with a "b"
d) actually has some knowlege of music
10. Adam's inevitable victory will lead to a nationwide increase in sales of:
a) eye liner and pancake makeup
b) '80s hair-band music
c) tickets to broadway shows
d) Clay Aiken Albums
Key: They're jokes, dumba**.
Answers, comments and general musings are always welcome below.