This year, I decided to only include the top categories, because if we talked about every one of the nominations, this article would be huge. And lets face it: most people only care about the big ones anyway.
But if you are part of an office Oscar pool and were depending on our prognostication to help you out, check out our article on 10 Steps to Picking an Oscar Winner for a little insight into how all this works.
Here are our picks for this year's Oscars:
Best Picture:TV Maven - “Slumdog”. I haven’t seen this movie, but I’m fully prepared to hate it on spec. Since when are the Oscars supposed to be marketing for bullshit foreign independent films? Especially when neither Brad not Angelina are in them?
Jay Jammer - The winner is Slumdog Millionaire. I think the only close one will be Benjamin Button. The Reader shouldn’t even be nominated. BORING can’t even begin to describe that movie. Doubt should be up there.
Judge - with the amount of awards that this one is racking up, Danny Boyle's Mumbai monolith has won the hearts and minds of damn near everyone in Hollywood. "Slumdog" is a lock.
Who Should Win:TV Maven - “The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button”. Any chance for the camera to focus on that luscious Hollywood treat known as Angelina Jolie during the Oscars must, as a matter of policy, be taken.
TV Maven - Danny Boyle (Slumdog). Again, the academy spurns my sage advice above)
Jay Jammer - I think it’s between Benjamin Button and Slumdog Millionaire. The cool thing is that I think Slumdog Millionaire’s director [Danny Boyle] will win. What he executed in that film not only reached high levels of “You gotta see this” but the heart, the characters, the story; it’s just phenomenal and could not have been created without ‘em. However, total bust that Doubt was not nominated. I don’t want to get into how The Dark Knight was shafted.
Judge - "Oh Danny Boyle... the the academy, the academy is callin..."
Who Should Win:
TV Maven - Ron Howard (Milk). This is a guy we know can direct. It’s dangerous to give this award to untried directors who, as a result of the prestige associated with the award, will be handed projects with budgets, talents, and expectations that are impossible for them to fulfill.
Best Actor in a Leading Role:
TV Maven - This year’s “train wreck to momentary credibility” story, Micky Rourke. Hollywood is a sucker for these things…if only to watch the guy spaz out during the speech.
Jay Jammer - My pick would be Frank Langella’s portrayal as Richard Nixon for the win. I could be wrong and it could go to (Yawn) Sean Penn or Mickey Rourke (another yawn). I personally think that Frank should win and this year I’ve decided that I’ll state who I think should win and who the stickin’ short sided Academy will pick. It should be Frank Langella but I have a feeling Sean Penn is going to win for his gay rendition of his I am Sam character in MILK. Good movie and great cast, but they didn’t nominate the right person for an award.
Judge - Gotta go with Mr. Rourke (the Fantasy Island guy?) for this one. The academy loves an underdog and Mickey has been so far under for most of his life that perhaps this is his time of redemption. Plus the trainwreck that TV Maven mentioned would be fun to watch.
Who Should Win:
TV Maven - Sean Penn. Any actor who gains a nomination as a result of massive costuming or makeup should be handed an automatic DQ. Sorry, Brad, but surely your wife is trophy enough for one night.
Best Supporting Actor
TV Maven - Heath Ledger. This performance was game-changing good. His death almost guaranteed him this award, but in this case, it is totally deserved. Plus, wouldn’t it be cool if he came to the show to collect? I love zombie movies.
Jay Jammer - I think that Philip Seymour Hoffman should win. I really do. I know death makes people stupid and think someone did way better than they actually did, but Heath Ledger was fantastic, but Hoffman actually confused me. His acting gave meaning to the title Doubt and it was fantastic. But again my pick won’t win because death also tends to make people go OMG we lost someone great (when he was ALWAYS great at what he did from the onset). So unfortunately a dead person will be awarded something that is to help careers. I don’t know how much this’ll help Heath Ledger, but apparently people have to beg for forgiveness for not seeing what was always there.
Judge - I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that they're gonna give it to Ledger just so we can all watch the broadcast of the living actors in close up as they lose to a dead guy. Heath's performance was jaw-dropping. He was a consummate professional and I think the voting members of the academy love a good heart string-puller.
Who Should Win:
TV Maven - I immediately waive my “no make-up” rule (hell, I only saw Leger and Downey). If we’re talking raw kickassedness, Ledger is a lock. In the “he should have gotten it for an earlier role, but got hosed” (aka the Denzel Rule) department, Downey’s your guy. (see; Chaplin)
Best Supporting Actress:
TV Maven - [Penelope] Cruz. The Academy has a never-ending hard on for Woody Allen (see what I did there? Hard on…for Woody?)
Jay Jammer - Marisa was good. Taraji was good. Amy was great. Penelope was something (didn’t see that film). But Viola Davis was powerful. Her two scenes were packed full of emotionally charged words that hit every single mark perfectly and with convection that would cast no doubt how much she believed every single word and meaning behind the sentences they formed. If she doesn’t win I’m thinking Penelope Cruz will take it, but that’s wrong, I can’t see how she could be better than Davis.
Judge - Im going with Taraji P. Henson from "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." The academy loves dynamic acting and Taraji did an amazing job playing a character in multiple stages of her life. Solid acting all around. She deserves it.
Who Should Win:
TV Maven - This is tough… Cruz gets way too much mileage looking like a cross between Selma Hayek and an Arabian thouroghbred…Adams and Davis were in a film I didn’t see….Marissa Tomei again? Seriously? I guess that leaves Henson.
TV Maven - [Kate] Winslet. This chick totally creeps me out. It’s the eyebrows, I think…they seem to have a mind (and color) of their own…
Jay Jammer -There are mix signals with this award. Kate wins the Golden Globe and Meryl wins the S.A.G. Award. So instead of stating who should win I’m going to state that Meryl Streep will win the Oscar. She deserves it. Kate was awesome in The Reader. Her eyes were emotional vantage points to her soul, but Meryl’s entire body and spirit dominated Doubt and she gripped the viewers by the eye sockets and never let them blink. If she doesn’t win this there are people who don’t know perfect from awesome.
Judge - This one is going to go to Meryll Streep. She's been nominated 15 times and won twice. She delivers great performances from every part she's been in and I think the academy appreciates that. On the other hand, there is a lot of buzz around Winslet...
Who Should Win:
TV Maven - Jolie should win everything forever. End of discussion. Turns out that besides being immortally beautiful, she acts well, too.
Best Animated Feature:
TV Maven - Wall-E. F*cking Disney.
Jay Jammer - Really? Wall-E. Who else could win this? A movie that was great for a number of reasons and if there wasn’t a separate category for Animated and Live Action it would have been a shoe in for Best Picture.
Judge - I think this is another lock. The fact that Wall-E told a story for the first thirty minutes of the film without any dialog is going to be the thing that pushes it over the top in the eyes of the voting members.
Who Should Win:
TV Maven - Anything but Wall-E. Actually, Kung-Fu Panda should win. Guess Why? (Hint, her initials are Angelina Jolie…she was in it)