Midterm TV Report Cards: (Fiction Version)

I’ll discuss “reality TV” at a later date.

Here’s your guide to the shows that are going into November Sweeps with the broom at their back…and those that are just going…

Going Strong:

CSI: Everywhere:All three of these shows continue to be ratings winners. Viewers seem to have an infinite appetite for grisly death. (Well, it sure ain’t the compelling character stories)

Grey’s Anatomy: I’ve been watching since it started, and I’ve NEVER seen Grey’s actual anatomy. I call false advertising.

NCIS : CSI + Dramamine for the seasickness!


Desperate Housewives: A fat, ugly Eva Longoria…who could ask for more?

Who's Chubby?

Criminal Minds: Another show survives the Mandy Patenkin Defection Syndrome.

The Mentalist: The only rookie show in the top 20 ratings-wise. This show is awesome. It’s Psych meets House meets Monk meets the ugly chick from Prison Break.

Lost: That JJ Abrams… boy we’ve missed him (unless we watched “Fringe”.)

Chuggin’ Along:

2.5 Men: Isn’t that dumb kid grown up yet? he should be like eighteen by now...Hey! Maybe Jon Crier is the "half-man". That would explain a LOT.

House: Lesbian sex scenes with “Thirteen” did wonders for my interest in this show.

Without A Trace: (comment went missing…investigative team called)

Cold Case: They keep it interesting, but I’m still reminded of my need for beer when I hear the title…

Half-man, half-weenie.

Brothers and Sisters: The prettiest girl on this show is…Rob Lowe.

Law and Order SVU: Beginning to show its age, but Mariska Hargitay is still a fox.

Rumblin’ Bumblin’ Stumblin’

The Office: Its fans will never abandon it…or shower.

Family Guy: Still freakin’ sweet.

Simpsons/King of the Hill/American Dad: Cartoons totally rock

On Life Support

Pushing Daisies: Quirky show has quirkily tanked in viewership. Likely will soon be quirkily cancelled.

Boston Legal: It was ending anyway, but it may not even get to play out the string. KHAAAAAAAAAAAN!

‘Till Death: Will free up Brad Garrett to play Lurch in future Adams’ Family reboots.

The New Adventures of Old Christine: The Post-Seinfeld hit drought continues.

Lipstick Jungle: Brooke Shields just doesn’t have enough horse in her to pull off being Sara Jessica Parker.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles: Low ratings, but should survive to cross-promote the T-4 movie.

Knight Rider: Will live for this season, but will likely “Hasslehoff” into the sunset afterward.

Gary, Unmarried: TV show, unfunny.

My Name Is Earl: Good concept, ran it’s course. Take it out behind the barn before it becomes embarrassing.

Heroes: Lost a LOT of it’s following after a dismal season 2 and the writers strike. Not even the cheerleader can recover from the beating it’s taking in the ratings.

WAY too hot to be SJP!!!

D.O.A (Already Cancelled)

Do Not Disturb: Hey, it’s Faulty Towers without the Brits…or the funny…buh-bye.

The Riches: Hey…it’s a show that brought the Brits…but not the funny…or the dramatic… see ya.

The Ex-List: Not what Malcolm Shabaaz gets at the grocery store, but a second-rate sitcom starring no one and featuring nothing. I’d prefer the grocery list.

1 comment:

The Judge said...

"“Hasslehoff” into the sunset..."

Dear god.

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