Brawndo: Its what plants crave.


Not long ago, Maxim magazine came out with an article on "Ten movie products we wish we had." one of the products was this one: "Brawndo: the Thirst Mutilator" from the Mike Judge cult hit film "Idiocracy."

Naturally, it was only a matter of time before someone actually came up with this product.

We received a sample of the drink to analyze and review and seeing as I have become the apparent Roger Ebert of over-caffeinated energy drinks and supplements, it behooves me to offer my honest opinion of the product here at Media Morgue.

Short answer: its god-awful crap, but it sure wakes you up.

Grind up a bunch of Sweet Tarts, mix in a lemon rind or two, throw in the obligatory amount of bull piss (taurine) blast it with about 200mg of caffeine (about twice the strength of a Red Bull or four times the amount in Mountain Dew) and color it to look like antifreeze and you pretty much have Brawndo.

Why is Brawndo the thirst mutilator you may be asking? Well, because its got electrolytes and stuff. As their slogan in the movie says "its what plants crave!" (and if you were one of the dozen or so people that saw Idocracy, you'll remember it ended up killing the plants.) Why anyone would want to willingly drink this sickeningly sweet unhuman concoction is beyond me.

Unlike some other products from films that would be really cool to have in real life (like the hoverboard from Back to the Future) this one is really not worth consuming. I suppose if you were really tired and were desperate to find a way to wake up that didn't involve attaching a car battery to your testicles, this MIGHT be a suitable alternative.

Actually after drinking this, I might opt for the car battery after all.

Brawndo should be on 7-11 store shelves by the time you read this.

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