TV Shows So Stupid, only a Caveman Would Watch Them.

So did you watch the series premiere of "Cavemen"? Thanks to a self-inflicted snafu with my Tivo, I missed it. But apparently I didn't miss much.

Metacritic rates it at 12 out of 100 with a collection of totally predictable piss-poor reviews.

David Cronke (The Mayor of Television) said that the ratings were the best for the hour and night, but that doesn't really amount to much:

Ratings guru Marc Berman calls “Cavemen’s” performance disappointing – given the hype, it should’ve done better, he argues – but I think the fact that 9 million ostensibly sentient humans tuned into a broadcast-network situation comedy based on a TV commercial that everyone and their dog was warning them was awful is not merely disappointing, but devastating.

Folks, there was a reason why ABC didn't release advanced copies of the show to critics before the show premiered. Any time a studio or a network does that, it's a huge red flag. They know that word of mouth can make or break a film or TV show. Its the reason why "The Assassination of Jesse James" is only playing in four theaters across the US and why everyone is talking about how good it is (including us). Unfortunately for ABC, word of mouth is a very sharp double-edged sword that can swing the wrong direction and really hurt you. We've been saying here at the morgue that this TV show was going to suck since we first heard word that they were doing a series based on the Geico commercials. And like the rest of the blogosphere (god I hate that word) we were right on the money.

My point is this: ABC KNEW their new show was going to suck, but they were stuck with it, and had to air it no matter what. They had been drumming up hype for months about this show, but all it ended up doing was calling attention to something everyone already agreed with without even viewing it: This is a 30 second commercial of marginally-amusing characters stretched into 22 minutes of un-funny, un-creative, neanderthal humor. And now that it's out there, it's only a matter of weeks before someone on the top floor realizes they have the Neilsen equivalent of a turd floating in the swimming pool.

Now word of mouth will help drive this piece of crap even further into the ratings toilet. And all ABC can do is watch their pride and joy swirl around in the bowl.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

actually, ABC sold this show as a 3.2 and it did a 3.3 - so it actually beat the projected ratings... believe it or not they are going to make money off it! So there's a good chance it will last the season.

The Judge said...

I am willing to lay money that next week's ratings will plummet. And 3.3 share for a major network is still pretty terrible.

Anonymous said...

This makes no sense.
People were being warned that this show was awful...yet no advance airings were available to critics(?!).

I read scads of posts, all with the phrase "...just as I predicted".
Thanks Nostra-Dumbass.

I think a bunch of smug, pseudo-elitist people thought Cavemen would be an easy target to rip apart in their reviews, and just skipped the step of actually watching the program.

The Judge said...

I watch the program. I sit through their little thinly-veiled jabs at racial discrimination and through it all, I don't laugh.

Did you read that? I DO NOT LAUGH.
Wanna know why I don't laugh? BECAUSE THE SHOW IS NOT FUNNY!

That's a major design flaw for a television program that bills itself as a "comedy," don't you think?

And there WERE advance airings of the show available to critics. The few that got to see it early watched it with the producers in the room. They were literally stunned, STUNNED at how inane the writing was. And when they voiced these opinions to the writers and producers, all they did was end up editing out any actual funny moments that may have been in there in the first pass.

Let's get something clear here: I am definitely not a "smug, pseudo-elitist person." I'm an arrogant, loud-mouthed bastard that hates being pandered to. What ABC has been excreting onto the mainstream public is terrible, which is precisely why ABC continues to remain in third (and sometimes fourth) place in the ratings.

Neilsen families are not media experts. They are regular families that know that if it smells like crap and looks like crap, it's very likely that it is indeed crap.

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