You can all rest easy now, knowing that Danny Bonaduce will not be charged in the face-planting of Johnny Fairplay last week.
Deputy District Attorney Jeffrey Boxer wrote that Bonaduce didn't intentionally injure Fairplay and his "actions fell within the realm of self-defense."
Fairplay's police report claimed the actor walked on stage uninvited and made a "derogatory statement." Fairplay later said he was giving Bonaduce a hug, one of his signature moves as a performer.
Perhaps Fairplay should re-think that "signature move" of his, if it also involves losing teeth every time he loses a battle with gravity.
And now I am officially done with this story. Unless Johnny Fairplay finds some new way to screw up his face in front of a live audience, we will refrain from reporting on him ever again.