CBS Greenlights Pirate-themed Reality Show

Mark Burnett, the guru of formulaic reality shows is apparently able to sell just about anything his addled brain can think up.

The Daily Variety, reports that Burnett will be working to develop and produce an as-yet titled pirate-themed reality TV series.

While I am a fan of pirates (they can kick Ninjas asses) I am not necessarily too keen on the thought of teams of people trying to act like Hollywood pirates (eye patches, parrots on shoulders and saying "Yarr!" a lot) for the chance to win a new car or something. If they want to do this series the right way, they should show what being a pirate was REALLY like.

There were no clean sheets, you rarely bathed, below deck was overcrowded and smelled, you ate dry biscuits and pickled meat, your bathroom was a hole on the side of the ship, you risked being killed by deadly storms and diseases, and if you lost an arm or a leg during the course of duty (which was quite common), you were given about $500 if you were lucky enough to work for a captain that was kind-hearted. Most, however, were not.

In fact, most pirates were pretty much ruthless murderers, willing to destroy anything that got in their way. They were not the pretty-boy swashbuckling romantics that Hollywood loves to immortalize them as. They were less like Erol Flynn and Johnny Depp and more like Charles Manson.

By the way, just a little note to Variety Television Editor Josef Adalian: if your article is 221 words long and you use the word "Skein" five times, it might be time to break out the thesaurus, there bub. We know trade rags like Variety and the Hollywood Reporter love to throw made-up industry technobabble around to make themselves look more intelligent, but calling it a series once in a while is not a bad thing.

No comments:

Hollywood Dump on Facebook

In addition to the articles we post here, we also link to stories we think are interesting and post them to our Facebook page. If you're on FB, become a fan!