Vanity Faire: Lindsay and the Insects

The more I watch how paparazzi operate, the more I see the bigger picture of these individuals and the purpose they serve in the Hollywood machine.

The word paparazzo in Italian means an insect similar to a mosquito. And it's no surprise that these "photojournalists"operate in quite the same way. They buzz around, armed with a digital camera and a long lens instead of a proboscis, hoping to suck a little life out of their targets. They earn their keep by carefully documenting every jerky, mundane, uninteresting minute of a celebrity's life in the public eye - sitting out front of restaurants waiting for the right moment when someone will wipe their mouth and walk out to the valet. All the while hoping that the person trips down the stairs or walks into a parking meter to make the event even more profitable for them.

As much as they are publicly despised by the celebrities they swarm around, Paparazzi are carefully placed pawns in the public relations microcosm: part of a symbiotic relationship with celebrities. They are there to stoke the fires of popularity for people who would otherwise have no reason to garner such attention.The celebs need them to keep them in the public eye and the shutterbugs need the celebs to help them pay the rent by selling their photos to the highest bidder for the tabloid rags that employ them. Which, in turn, helps to keep the rags in business by churning out otherwise trivial tasks into sensational publicity fodder.

Case in point, witness this spectacularly non-newsworthy event of Lindsay Lohan being swamped by photogs as she finishes dining at the Ivy in Hollywood. The article associated with it, in a somewhat confusing way, hits the nail right on the head:
Don't you suspect that maybe, just maybe Ms. Lohan kinda a little bit enjoys slightly but not too much though a tiny amount sometimes and often, relatively frequently to a certain degree LOVES the attention from the paparazzi?!
We can only hope that the guys from X17 were merely having fun writing in the style of a 14 year old girl in her blog and don't, in fact actually talk that way all the time, lest they be slapped by English teachers everywhere they go.

A little background: The Ivy is a restaurant known more for the patrons that dine there than the food they pretend to consume. It's a celeb hangout and relatively not much more. It's not particularly exceptional cuisine, the decor is about as interesting as the table salt, and the spectacular view of the New Line Cinema building across the street is not really anything to write home about. The only reason to eat at Ivy is if you want to be seen or if you are pretending to be important. Without a photographer snapping pictures of every step, patrons would probably not notice, nor care about the rich, young celebutard sitting at the table across the way.

So we begin to suspect that by snacking on overpriced munchies from the over-hyped bistro on Robertson Blvd. LiLo is actually hard at work, doing her part to stay in the public eye. I bet she can even write off the bill on her taxes. (Of course, for her sake, I hope she doesn't have the same accountants as Wesley Snipes)

It just goes to show that you don't have to be good at anything in particular to be popular in Hollywood. You just have to have the right PR. Surround yourself with dozens of goons all calling out your name in a sorry attempt to get you to look in their direction and you too can be a person of interest in Tinseltown.

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