Dear jilted USAVOICE "employees",
We at Media Morgue are terribly sorry that you were had by the fine, upstanding businesspeople at USAVOICE and your dreams of making thousands of dollars a month were smashed against the rocks of reality at the hands of an alleged felon. It's just not fair. I know. It happened to me too.
I too fell for the fantasy of making money by handing over the fruit of my labor to their greasy little clutches in exchange for being able to pay a few bills. Those dollar signs always seem to glow just a little brighter than the warning signs, don't they? Common sense was obscured by the thought of sitting on my ass, speaking my mind and watching a paycheck show up at my door every month. Thankfully I managed to back out of their trap before adding the email addresses of all my friends and family onto their spamming list.
For those of you that have quit USAVOICE, we'd like to present you with a consolation offer:
If you still want to write, we hope you will consider writing for Media Morgue. Please consider this your invitation.
Here's what we're looking for:
We need journalists that want to talk about all the terrible things that Hollywood presents us with: All the bad movies. All the pathetic television shows. All the steamy gossip. All the dirty...well, dirt. We want it. If you have a flair for acid-tongued irreverence and can frequently write about the idiocy and plastic nonsense generated daily by the Hollywood machine, these may be the droids you're looking for.
So what do you get for writing for Media Morgue?
Let me make this perfectly clear: YOU WILL NOT BE PAID. Not a dime. Not a penny. Certainly not a percentage of revenue equivalent to the percentage of total page views generated by your stories appearing on the site. Not now, probably not ever.
If you write for Media Morgue, you write for me; The Judge: A sarcastic, seditious, smart-ass sultan of sardonic schadenfreude; An evil little lawn gnome that likes to poke at the big dogs of Hollywood with a very small, pointy stick. This site exists for the pure and simple reason that venting frustration at what Hollywood considers "entertainment" makes for good, cheap therapy. If that appeals to you, we'd love to have you join us.
Journalists who write for Media Morgue will receive a press credential, guaranteed to get them thrown out of, or denied access to all the finest celebrity hangouts in Southern California. Oh and you will probably have to sell your soul as well, but I may send you a nifty aged parchment you can hang on your wall if I think you're worthy.
In short, I am looking for people that can be an asshole in 500 words or less. If you think you've got the chops, then here is your first assignment:
Send me an email telling me why you want to write for Media Morgue. Include writing examples if you have them, or just tell me in your typical style why you want to be a Media Morgue Minion and how you can contribute to the site.
So there you have it. If you are pissed off at being scammed, we're sorry. If you want to keep writing and would like to write about what we cover here, click on the link and send me a note.
And thanks for making Media Morgue such a popular place among pissed-off USAVOICE readers.
Cheif Editor & Lord High Everything Else