Brad Pitt or the AP - Who’s the Bigger Ass?

By Brian Crossett

Now it’s no secret to anybody that knows me that I want to be a professional writer. I have found that it’s damn hard to get a break writing spec scripts for Hollywood, and apparently equally as hard getting a chance to write a simple column for a local newspaper. This sorta’ pisses me off.

However, when I read items like the article from the AP on my Comcast homepage entitled “Brad Pitt a Wedgie Jokester on Set” I really start to go nuclear. Are you freakin’ kidding me? Being from the Pacific Northwest, and considering myself something of an educated intellectual I can’t believe that anybody, even the brain-dead sycophants in LA could possibly care about Bradley making an ass out of himself at work. What’s next? “Angelina goes pee?”

Good Lord is this what passes for mainstream journalism in today’s modern media? Not only is this story beyond tedious and uninteresting, it was listed under “Entertainment Headlines”. My only hope is that there is now an opening at the AP to which someone with talent might actually ascend. Considering that the story had to OK’d by at least one editor, maybe that’ll be two openings.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Pitt himself is quoted in the article as saying,
“He amused himself and his colleagues by yanking up his pants to give himself a wedgie, sticking out his rear and waddling about like a duck.”
Well, all I can say is that I bet he wowed ‘em in Malawi. Maybe that’s why the Bradgelina pair stayed so long. I can just picture the Malawian Prime Minister screaming “Do the wedgie walk – Do the wedgie walk!” Oh well, I guess everything’s relative when you’re a celebrity.

[Note: This is the first article by our new staff writer Brian Crossett. Little does Brian realize, but the "wedgie duck walk" is our standard initiation proces for new employees. And yes, it kills in Malawi. Welcome aboard, Brian, and no more skidmarks!]

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